FUTURE: SEA CHANGE FOR REAL

Five years in...new house and still hopelessly in love.

We had been invited to Zach's parents for dinner last night and a fun time was had by all. We got home fairly early (around 10pm) and headed to bed as we had a busy day ahead today.


We got up as usual, did our morning ritual including a frolic in the shower (always a treat) and then breakfast. That over, it was time to head to the office and while Zach was tending to a last minute wardrobe malfunction (withOUT Janet Jackson thank you), I decided to head out to the car which was in the driveway. I opened the back door and stepped out onto the back terrace when there right ahead of me....was...

I stood there, suddenly more than a bit numb, looking at what could only be described as a body. A very lifeless body. In other words, DEAD. LIFE GONE AWAY POOF DEAD.

Sigh. Dang. I was just getting into this BEING ALIVE thing when...

I had no clue who it was or had been or how it got here but got here it did and now what I asked myself? I couldn't believe I wasn't screaming or running for cover/the hills/over the river and through the briar patch. Suddenly I heard Zach coming. I didn't know whether to try to warn him or just let nature take its course.

Too late, as I heard the door swinging open behind me.

I heard a gasp and then I got grabbed from behind and swung around...as he propelled me back through the door. Well, so much for spending a quiet hour or twelve with our guest, whoever it was and dead though he may be AND so much for getting an early drop on the day. A dead run so to speak.

Then, for whatever reason I have no idea about I felt my legs and knees giving way and I started to slump, but of course Zach caught me while intoning in my ear. "Oh baby, oh baby".

Yeh, I felt like a baby about to make a mess in his pants or something but INSTEAD, I got thrust into the great room and into a chair. Well, harumph. How dare he think I am so weak and frail and girly that I can't handle a little thing like a dead body on my back stoop.

Ok, ok, might have a point there.

"Be right back baby",
and off he scampered to tend to I didn't know what. But in a flash he was back with what looked like a rather strong drink of unknown origins (I was right. It not only put hair on my chest but expanded it. Oh goodie. Starting the day DEAD DRUNK!). Good word choice there, right?

He also had a phone in hand and was calling someone, probably his mother to ask about world peace or something...or maybe perhaps the COPS. (The latter proved to be the case)...and before too long as he sat next to me stroking my arm and hair and cheek and whatever else was conveniently located, we heard sirens.

AHHHH, the gendarmes and THIS time it is not to take ME away in irons. OH GOOD.

LOL.

It does happen from time to time.

The next couple of hours remain kind of a blur as both the cops and Zach tried alternately to tend to the body and also to me. I confess I may have been the bigger task, NOT because I was making any particular ruckus or anything but the impending fear that I MIGHT, I guess. I never did...thank you very much.

Eventually, the coroner removed the aforementioned used-to-be person without much fanfare (a rather large broom and dustpan I believe) and then the cops said they had finished FOR NOW (always comforting) and then it was just Zach and me in what I can only describe as a stunned stupor or perhaps drunken stupor or just plain stupid.

The cops had hardly left when first my parents arrived, along with Alex and Tony and then Zach's parents accompanied by the twins stormed the barricades and that was all I needed. Frick and Ruckus. Returning to bed and the arms of my dearly beloved was beginning to look more and more enticing and I was just about to suggest that when...

Mother asked (I assume not knowing if we had had breakfast or not) if we were hungry. Yeh, oh sure. ALWAYS RAVENOUS right after finding a dead body on my porch. NOTHING MAKES ME HUNGRIER, MOMMMMMM, than...sigh.

 I however was none-too sure of my stomach so the very idea of eating about now was about like a virgin facing a 12 inch penis. EEEK!

Zach kept me in sight and touch the entire time, as if he considered me extremely fragile and while normally I like his attentiveness this time I wasn't totally amused and mostly not terribly sure why. Just seemed to be a bit much, but...oh hell, he can baby me all he wants.

They say you never get used to the sight of a dead body and I will take their word for it.
"GOD I HOPE NOT."

I kept thinking throughout the entire escapade that I hoped this was the last one I would ever see, and well...little did I know...

Sigh.

Who would have thought that the mere fact that this body had surfaced on OUR back STOOP (or stoopid or whatever) would begin such a cavalcade of merriment...BUT...

Some things just seem to lend themselves to the type of thing mentioned in that 'opening the proverbial can of worms' fame thing. OH GOOD. NOW on top of everything else, WORMS.

Pardon me while I...

BARF

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CONTINUE TO THE BACK PORCH, THE RIVER, AND THE REST OF THE STORY...as soon as I write it.