CHAPTER VI: THE PLOT THICKENS

SO, in the last two days or so, I have acquired...a gay lover, a gay brother, a gay friend, and a WHOLE NEW WAY of looking at things. Soon as I take a nap and a tranquilizer and move back to my home planet. MY ANUS, which is conveniently located next door to UR ANUS...I will, ummm...ahhhh...

Alex and Tony. Wow. But I didn't have a whole lot of time to ponder that because Alex came back later that night and after finding out that Zach was 'in on it,' and kinda saying that was ok (like he could do anything about it now), he proceeded to involve me even further in his nefarious little plan to...yeh, I thought you knew this was coming. Hehehehe.

"Dylan?"
"Yep,"
"Dylan would you help me?"
Oh God. Now what scheme is he gonna hatch to...
and I was just about to find out. Yep.

"Help you? How?"
and immediately bit my tongue.
"ARE YOU DAFT? What in blue hell do you want to help HIM for?
Lunatic fringe and all," I thought but...
"Yeh, ok," and every nerve ending in my body went on full alert.
"Are you NUTS?" I have so much self-control for not actually saying that. I felt pretty smug at that moment until I remembered what I had just committed myself to.

What was that you ask?
Well, to be honest, nefarious was a mild way to describe it.
Alex wanted me to help him 'land' Tony, by first going to Tony and subtly of course asking him what he really thinks of Alex.

On second thought, this might be fun. Hehehe.

SO of course I immediately agreed while looking over at Zach and seeing a look on his face that I can only assume could be interpreted as "Oh God. He has gone over the top bonkers," or something to that effect. But I intended to not only do it but I also realized I now had the goods on ol' Alex Hitler and this was EXACTLY the ammo I have been searching for. Dropped into my lap courtesy of soopa doofus bro. What fun.

But then dad called up to Alex and that was that for tonight. But tomorrow? LOL.
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Ok, now I had a job I had agreed to perform and since it is summer and no school , and not working yet either...I was going to have to hatch a plan to be devious without being obvious. HAH. Piece of cake.

So, early the next day I called ol' Tone of Alex-lust fame, and suggested subtly in my inimitable fashion naturally, that we might go have a ripaste of epic proportions at Ye Olde Pizza Hut, and he agreed. A bit quickly too I thought but didn't say. Like candy to a baby, lol.

Fast forward to lunch and 'THE MEETING,' and I had told Alex and I thought he was going to pop out of his clothes.
"Oh God, thanks Dylan," and I got a major huggie out of that one. SO far SO good.

"Hey, Tony," I said as we met in the lobby at Pizza Hut,
"Hey Dylan, nice to see you..." said the fly to the spider right before...lol.
"Hungry I hope,"
"Yep," he countered and off we went behind the 'CHIEF SEATER' I ASSumed to a booth near the back (or front...) and after the ye olde gathering of the waters and menu's and ordering and all that fun stuff, we got right down to it.

Ok, not quite. We had to do the pleasantries first and I was quickly beginning to become a bit agitated cause I WAS ON A MISSION heah, and why doesn't he see that, and...

"So, Dylan, tell me. Why did you want to DO LUNCH?"
"Ok, so much for plan A," and I tried to act and look nonchalant...and probably failed.
"No reason really. Just thought it was high time, since we are in the same class now and you are such a bud to my brother Alex."

I amaze myself sometimes. I really do. Name ONE OTHER 16 year old who could do a dance move like that. Ok, nm.

"Yeh, ok. Yeh, Alex and I are close. You wanna know the truth?"
"Um...yeh sure."
"I wish we were a LOT closer than we are, and have for a long time, Dylan."

"WHOA...omg...um...whew...NO, really? OH SHIT, what do I do now?" I thought while my face did nothing I hope and my mind went BOING...zzzzz, and SHIT.
"Really?"
GOD I AM GOOD.

"Yeh. Hey Dylan, do you know what Alex thinks of me, really?"

Ok. Ummm....shit. I need a minute to regroup and a nap and a BIG glass of crushed glass and...
"He likes you Tone, Alex likes you A LOT."
"YEH? HONEST?"
"I wouldn't lie to you Tony, yes. he likes you A LOT."
God how far do I take this without betraying Alex, and why do I give a shit about that but...the truth is things have changed between us and I do. Who wudda thunk it?

We just sat and looked at each other. Neither of us all of a sudden quite knew what to say? I mean, what DOES one say when one of the hottest hunkiest dudes on the planet suddenly confesses his love for YOUR BROTHER, right after the aforementioned brother did the same in reverse. I  MEAN. SHIT. I need a twinkie and a SEE YES TAH. Yippee SNOT.

Suddenly he took my hand. WHOA. LOL.
"Dylan, can I tell you something?"
"Umm..you sure you want to? I seem to be a listening post lately and I am pretty sure I am close to a catastrophic implosion heah," but of course I merely thought that and his grip tightened a bit, and the blood flow in my hand stopped and so did my mind and senses and...

"Sure." I am SO fucked here.
"Ok, not easy you know, but I know you will understand."

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT? FUCK. NO I UNDERSTAND NOTHING. YOU HEAR ME?

I KNOW AND SEE NOTHING! I FEEL..no wait. I am feeling PLENTY about now. DAMMIT, how do I get myself INTO this shit? My GOD I am ONLY SIXTEEN and barely that by a few days...and I am NOT READY for all this melodrama and I MEAN, DAMN....

"I will?"

"Yeh, well you and Zach," and I thought...
OH GOOD, the VERY LAST PERSON on the planet has now just confirmed that YES HE TOO knows about me and Zach and why wasn't I told about all this sooner and I feel just SO LEFT OUT of the loop and...fuck.

"Oh, you know about us," and immediately knew what his response to that would be.
"Yeh, hell Dylan EVERYONE knows that." YUP RIGHT AGAIN, Dylan. Good boy. Here's a cookie and a ticket for free entry to the DUH house at the fair.

"Sure of course, sorry. Anyway, how can I be of help?"

ARE YOU CRAZY? GET UP, GO, RUN to the nearest exit and never look back. YOU do NOT want to be any part of this love match from Hell or wherever.

"Well, see. I love your brother. Dylan, I really do."

WHAT?  WHAT? 

"HOLY SHIT." I sorta heard myself thinking.

FUCK STOP STOP...GEEZ,
have you no idea how much I do NOT want to hear that?

"Really?"
God I am good.
I hate to think what my face was doing, but I know my mind was going nuts.

"Dylan I have loved him for a long time. I know he can be an asshole and I sorta get he isn't very good to you...and I regret that but maybe I can help you out there. I promise I will try. But can you help me to get him to see how I feel about him? I mean, do you think he could like me too?"

"OH TRUST ME. NO PROBLEM THERE," I thought but how do I say that but not say that but...fuck. FUCK FUCK , said my mind. Geez.

Ok,,let's see. Last night my brother Alex suddenly confesses to me that he is in love with a classmate (a REALLY AWESOME RAD AND BODACIOUS classmate to be sure), and now I am sitting across the table from this same bodaciousness and HE is telling me HE LOVES MY BROTHER, TOO...and omg. The world has just ended and all this is....SOOOO, crap.

Actually, I have NO IDEA what this is. I just wanna go home and be with Zach and lock the doors and put a NO VISITORS sign on the door and...

"Do you think so, Dylan?"
"Ummm...yeh. I am pretty sure you got a clearance for a landing on his airstrip, Tony."

Damn, that was pretty good for spontaneous. Yeh, but not out of the woods yet.
"Yeh?"
"Yeh."

"OH GOD, Dylan. Shit. That is SOOOO kewl,"
and he got up and came around to my side of the booth after which he proceeded to get me in a bear hug of epic proportions and then he kissed me on the cheek. Pretty cheeky I think...while our pizza delivery waiter person arrived with our order and I had to have looked pretty embarrassed and Tony merely looked INCREDIBLY HAPPY, and I wanted a glass of something toxic so I could die in peace right here face down in the mushrooms.

What a picture. Like something out of the worst Bgrade horror movie you have ever seen.

Ok, so then he went back to his seat and we started to eat our pizza and things got back to whatever passes for normal these days. We talked about school and our upcoming last year there, our classmates, swimming, the latest Melissa McCarthy movie which we had both just seen (he with Alex and me with Zach), and that kind of airshit.

It went pretty well, actually. I found myself liking Tony better and better (God knows he is GORGEOUS and even before Zach I thought so) and also began to feel a bit sorry for him that the love of his life is my asshole brother but maybe that will really change. Maybe Tony is a good influence on him, and maybe pigs will fly and Cher will be President and the...yeh right.

We got done, and got out our money, paid and headed to the parking lot.
"You know if Alex is home, Dylan?"
"Far as I know. He was when I left. Call him."
"Yeh, thanks I will. So I guess I might see you later. But don't please...don't tell him about our conversation. Please."

"Oh good another secret. GOD I am getting SO full of secrets I may explode or something. WHY ME?  WHY ME LAWD?"

No answer of course. FUCK.

SO now I am a go-between and I am SOOO NOT GOOD at playing sammich.
"Sure, I won't. Promise."
"Thanks Dylan."
"Sure, anytime,"

What? SURE ANYTIME? ARE YOU DAFT?
Yep.

SO goes the day AFTER Alex puked his love life all over my ears and neck, and now the love of his life has done the same and I want a NAP, a cookie, and a ticket to anywhere but here. Good luck with that. Pfui.

FUCK.

Ok, I wanted to tell you about our high school, but maybe I just did. LOL and of course Alex had been LYING IN WAIT for me to get home so he could PUMP ME FOR INFO (did he get a surprise), and I may move to Outer Plutozoid or somewhere like that far away where there ARE NO BROTHERS, their lovers and ALL THESE FUCKING SECRETS,

"Yeh, right."

FUCK!
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