CHAPTER II: THE MORNING AFTER

I wouldn't mind mornings so much if only they started later.

The sun was well up in the sky when I opened my eyes. Even before that I knew I was naked and so was Zach and I was in his arms, and...he lay pressed hard against me and was snoring softly.

I had never awakened in another dudes arms before, especially with both of us naked and wondered...what now?

My mind started going over all of what had happened last night...
and was still doing that when I realized Zach was now awake and was laying there quietly, just looking at me.

"What?" I asked him
"Nuffin, honey."
"That still sounds a bit strange," I mused,
and he just nodded.
"It probably will for a bit but we will get used to it baby.
We got our whole lives to do that you know."

Why did he seem to know all this stuff and how did he...?

Prescient? I didn't think so. He snuggled a bit tighter, and I realized he felt better than anything else I could imagine and that felt strange too, but strangely good and I felt torn. I suspected I would be doing that and feeling that way for a bit of time too.

He stirred and then so did I, and....well, blush.

The day was turning out to be very warm and brightly sunny...exactly what I like, and eventually after a couple attempts and failures at rising out of the ash heap of love...did, and hand in hand we went tearing pell mell out to the lake and splashed our way in.

FELT GOOD and we dove and played and hugged and smooched both above the water and under it until we got tired and came dragging our sorry bones up to the beach and our blanket.  The sand was warm and felt good tween the toes.

After the cooler water and then the warm sun, we both fell asleep fairly quickly all cuddled together and it was a good kind of sleep too. But after an hour or so I woke up with Zach still sleeping quietly beside me.

I was still sorta clueless about what was happening and a bit uneasy and even maybe kinda fearful although that might be a stretch. I knew so little about all this.

I slipped out from under his arms, and got up...heading to the edge of the water.

After a few minutes I began to walk back to the edge of the clearing in the shadow of the trees beyond. Was a bit cooler there than out in the bright sun and it felt kinda good. It is now and here that this story started, with me looking out over and beyond Zach at the scenery beyond.

The huge lake, the hills around it, the woodlands and all you can see from here is wilderness. It is a gorgeous spot, and I have vowed one day to build a home out here somewhere and just enjoy nature.

But today I was less involved with the nature of the scenery than the nature of what I had suddenly found myself in. ZACH. NO QUESTION, I have fallen in love with him and deeply so, and I guess maybe without realizing it I have loved him for months. I don't know how that happened or how I didn't realize it before but as I said...

I am one of the most clueless varmits you have EVER seen, and clueless or not I knew he was my new hero. Amazing but that really is what now he seemed to be. Yesterday, my best friend. Today, my hero and lover. Wow.

I suspect that if we last and I hope and pray and suspect that we will that from now until the end of time it will be ever so this way. Amazing how times and things and circumstances can change in the twinkling of an eye and suddenly you are set upon an entirely different course towards a now uncertain future than you were hours or even minutes ago. It does take a bit of adjusting to the changed circumstances one finds oneself in but if one is smart one does do just that. I suspected I would...and over time did.

But for now I was as I said CLUELESS and what else is new.


I stood back by the trees in the shade and just pondered the situation. On the one hand I knew this had gone way too far to turn back now, and yet...what about the future? What will our lives be like? What will we do? Will we stay in love or will he decide I was a mistake and then suddenly for me to be left with a broken heart, and...

"STOP," I chided myself, and set out to go back to him...knowing I was only driving myself crazy and for no good reason.

"I BELONG TO HIM NOW," I heard myself say out loud to no one in particular as I walked...and knew it was true and suddenly I felt warm and happy and didn't know why but knew it was because of Zach and this was all new and FELT new and...

GOD what do I do now? Am I gonna be all right? Are WE? For I knew now for better or worse it is, tah dah...WE now. NOT Zach and I but ZACH AND I/the collective WE, and...SHIT what...oh hell. My heart and mind were a white hot mess and I didn't have a CLUE what to do now and...see? What did I tell yah...

I got back and sat down on the blanket beside him. Zach was really busy right now snoring softly and looking cute and I wondered...

WHY?

I looked beside me at Zach sleeping quietly and felt for perhaps the first time that THIS was my new reality and it felt really good. Why I had no idea. Hah. Just t'was it seems.

How much does he love me I wondered as I sat there quietly almost unconciously counting the minutes since I had fallen for him and feeling all new and almost giddy. Is this really forever? Will we always be the couple rather than just the two individuals? Will he love me when I am old and grey and toothless? Hairless? Ugly? Will he...

Questions without answers at least for now. You know what? One can drive oneself crazy when one first falls in love especially for the first time. I was just learning that. But, in looking back I suppose it is a good kind of crazy and maybe a necessary one. Without being a respecter of gender or orientation this crazy just is and probably is for everyone who makes the perhaps foolish mistake of falling in love with another person. Dogs and puppies and pizzas don't count. ONLY in the matter of loving another person does one find oneself more than a bit off balance and decidedly weird.

Oh good. As if I'm not weird enough already.
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NEXT UP:  CHAPTER III - CLUELESS