CHAPTER XIV: THE SEA CHANGES & LIFE BEGINS ANEW...AGAIN

Ok, here we were newly married...our whole lives lying in full view ahead of us, and we were clueless. THIS TIME, it wasn't just me. It was ALL of us. Zach and I and Alex and Tony. Plus my younger brother Teddy had also just graduated high school and was college bound, and he too was like we had been. In truth a bit excited and yet a bit afraid too.

"Don't worry Teddy boy, you will be JUST fine. I know. I went through this too you know," and Zach and I could help him because he like we had was headed to Stanford and I knew what he was in for.

"It's all a bit unnerving, Dylan."

"I know." and I hugged him and he smiled a bit but I could see he was feeling more than a bit unsure of himself.

I ached for him. I have to admit I was also a bit fearful for him. Teddy has always been a total sweetiepie and a bit unsure of himself. I love him to death and I also have to admit I DID want to go with him and help smooth the way, but alas. Nope.

Yeh, I wanted to go with him, Zach and I. Help him through, nurture him, SHIELD HIM from the tougher times, but of course I couldn't and shouldn't anyway. He  needed to go through this weaning period for himself just as we had. It would maybe be a bit harder for him than it had been for us. After all he would be out there alone and we had each other. But I kept telling him we were as close as the phone and call ANYTIME. He brightened but I knew in the end he was feeling a bit uneasy about it all. But none of us should have worried. He came through just fine. I should have known.

But then I had to re-focus on me, on us, and on the larger US. I wasn't sure I wanted to even though on the other hand I was excited. Mixed emotions to be sure and I was definitely feeling conflicted. Sorta like Teddy one step up.

"You okay honey?" Zach moved in and put his arms around me. He can always tell what I am thinking and feeling and no don't ask me how he does that but he does.

"Yeh, guess so."

"It will all be ok, baby. You got me you know."

I hugged him back, tightly, and kissed him.

"Thank God."

We sat like that for awhile, him kinda comforting me and kinda not and...

Alex and Tony came into the Rec room and sat down across from us.

"Hey, Shortstuff."

I had long since stopped being annoyed at his euphemism for me and I smiled.

"Hey, Skyrubby."

Back attem is my motto.

"You okay, Dylan?"

"Sorta, you?"

"Sorta, I guess.
Actually, I don't know."

"He's been all over the map emotionally, Dylan..." Tony interjected.

"I am trying to soothe his anxiety but it is hard cause I feel kinda the same."

"Yeh," Zach agreed. "Me too, and my baby. This is new ground, uncharted territory. Exciting on the one hand but incredibly intimidating on the other. I don't know if I could handle all this were it not for being with Dylan."

"Yeh, I feel the sane way about being with Tony," Alex put in.

"He makes it better, or a bit easier I guess."

We all nodded at that.

Then, my dad came in and heard the tail-end of the conversation.  He sat down in one of the big overstuffed chairs, so comfortable, and just looked at us for a minute.

"Guys Guys, THIS IS THE MOMENT that all that you have experienced up until now has been preparing you for. THIS is the moment that you've been waiting for. Don't let it trip you up. Go for it, cause this moment will never come again. Other moments will be sorta kinda LIKE this. 

BUT...THIS IS THE ONLY ONE that is really totally brand new for you. You guys are so fortunate. You got each other. Most of the time you have to go it alone through this and everyone does you know. Honest. Dylan? Alex?

I didn't have your mother at this point. Shortly after I did but not at this particular moment. I did it alone and so did she. Not easy oh HELL NO, it wasn't and isnt'...but, you guys got each other. That is awesome."

We looked at him and at each other and knew he was right. We shouldn't be afraid. We had each other and we all had all our parents still and our siblings and our friends, and good God were we lucky.

We all thanked him for his insight and he stayed with us for an hour or so and we had a good time just BEING and were reveling just being WITH each other...for soon that would be impossible and we knew it. Were keenly aware of it, and that was both at the same time exciting and foreboding. Would we survive it I know we were all thinking and would we change and/or BE changed by it and to be honest none of us had a clue. That is what was the underlying fear I think.

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Later that night, it was just Zach and I...sitting alone out by the pool. We were as we so often are, curled up together in one of the padded chaise loungers and GOD KNOWS I love snuggling with him. Feels SO good. We were of course oh so busy...doing a whole bunch of nothing.

Thinking I guess or ruminating or pondering or something. I wasn't sure what. Lost in thought to be sure, quiet as churchmice in a monastery but then suddenly I felt a fingertip running up and down my arm and I got goosebumps. I damn near moaned it felt so good.

I looked over at him but he wasn't looking at me. He was sitting staring out in space as I had just been doing. Absent-mindedly it appeared. But he just instinctively evidently wanted to remind me that he was right here and loved me and cared, even while he was a million miles away in a sense. I smiled but he didn't see. I leaned in to him a bit but he didn't stir. I laid my head on his shoulder which always feels SO DAMN GOOD, my face against his neck...his skin soft and warm and HIM and that brought him finally back to me...and he turned to me as best he could and smiled. I felt it more than saw it...I think both of us had our eyes closed just living deep inside the moment and the place where you feel and don't have to see. I felt him lean into me a bit more, returning my move even if a bit responsively...and there we sat. Not so much lost in thought I think as lost in each other. SO good SO good.

"I HAVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED," I remember thinking. That moment is one I will take to eternity with me as a fave beloved piece of time.

"Zach. GOD I love you boy. SO deeply, SO completely, you make me SO FUCKING happy you dipstick," I thought but was too lost in him to say audibly but as I thought that he moved his hand and took mine in it, and squeezed it slightly and there we were. His thoughts like his skin were like the feel of velvet on my skin...soft and sleek and sensual and titillating and sexy. I could FEEL his mind in a way as much as I could feel his hunky body and BOTH gave me a rise in temperature and shall we say...other things. Zach has a way of bringing me to a fever pitch and an elevated sense of life like no one else ever could, and he says I do the same for him...but sometimes it is enough to just BE, be together and love the sensuality of it.

I have no clue how long we sat there pressed together in time and space and feelings and our hearts struggling to breathe and emote and express but it must have been hours for all of a sudden it was morning and life was about to begin again ready or not.

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