CHAPTER XV: LIFE PART I or so

I remember as I look back now how excited we all were, Zach and I and the dreaded brother Alex Hehehe, and Tony. We were each together and separately looking out at the future hopeful and almost vibrating with anticipation, and wanting it to just get going and yes...part of each of us felt conflicted as we were finally or so it seemed leaving the only life we had ever really known. Or were we. No longer our parents little kids, we were all adults now but now what?

I am still not sure why all of us were having this reaction. After all we had just spent four years at Stanford and Harvard...all of us away from home and the 'rents and sibs for months at a time, but maybe because we knew we were all going to go on to grad school, that didn't seem quite the final separation that we might have felt otherwise, but THIS was IT. College was DONE. That entire phase of our life, and all that had come before it was DONE. NOW WHAT?

There is no formula or map or game plan to speak of or owners manuals or such to help guide anyone through the maze of becoming truly an adult...one about to go out into the world and slay the lions and tigers and become titans of industry or Gods of Academia or whatever our little hearts desire and think possible, UNTIL one actually sets about doing it.

Our parents would be there we knew to help and share their experiences with all of us but in some ways we were pretty much on our own, and none of us had a clue. Excited and terrified I think would describe our emotional state that first morning after we got home after graduating. Graduate School was over and now life could begin in earnest but were we ready? Maybe our angst as it were was because we had had a period of years when we were all together and knew we could count on each other. Our built-in support mechanism so to speak, but were we about to lose that? Were we ready for whatever life was about to hand us, as couples and not as a foursome with friends, 'rents, in-laws, etc.?

Like it or not we were gonna have to be.

I had never really been one for insecurity, had never really felt inadequate to the task at hand, but...I had never quite faced this exact situation before. I wasn't sure and since Zach and Alex and Tony also seemed more than a bit unsure too, that was an uneasy feeling.

"You okay?"
We all were asking each other and ourselves.

We sat at the breakfast table in this bright and airy breakfast room in this gorgeous huge house and wondering. We sat looking at each other and holding hands and I knew we were all thinking the same thing. Are we ready and can we do this? May sound funny but yes we all of us were a bit uneasy.

Is it always this way? I wonder and I think to a certain extent yes.

I had majored in Journalism and Communications, with minors in computer science and creative writing. Zach had majored in Computer Science and Communications with a minor in journalism and creative writing. We were going to be able to be of enormous help to each other throughout our professional lives and liked that idea. Anything that kept us really close at all times felt good to both of us.

Alex had finally settled on Political Science as a major and wanted to serve as a diplomat eventually but in the meantime he also had a journalism major and could work in the media as well not to mention he could always seek a teaching position. Tony had gotten his degree in psychology and behavioral science, with a minor in journalism and philosophy. We were a scary bunch. LOL.

Tony had landed a position as an aide to the head of the Psychology Department at our local university, and Alex had gotten a really good position there as well in the Poly Sci department. Zach and I both were still trying to decide which among several offers we had we would take and so for the moment literally nothing would change as far as our living arrangements. Several offers Zach and I had would take us elsewhere, a couple to California which we had grown to really like, and others to Atlanta or Virginia or Texas. But for now...HOME WE IS, and when I mentioned that to mother she merely rolled her eyes and turned and went back to somewhere in the house. Hmmm.

"Love you mother," I hollered after her and she waved a hand and kept on going. Hehehe.

But I still wondered.

Later after dinner we all sat as we often do down in the Rec Room and unusual for us we were all a bit quiet that night. Alex broke the silence.

"So guys, here we are. How's it feel?"
"Feels great," Zach chimed in.
"Yeh," said Tony.
I sat for a minute, kinda musing I guess.
How does it feel? Different, the same, confusing, surreal, what?
"It feels," I started to say while Zach sat holding my hand and everyone else was hanging on my every word, lol...
"Yeh?" Alex intoned.
"Yeh, it feels...both different and the same. Very different and yet, not so much."

Nobody said a word. Arrrrgh, I thought.
Finally Tony...
"Yep. Exactly how I feel. Look, here we are still living in the same house and sleeping in the same beds, and even though we will be going to work and not to school..."
"Yeh, and yet it is different cause we really are married and that counts," Zach said.
"Married by God and yes. It is different in a way cause now we have rings that we wear that tell the world we are couples, and we can say out loud that this is the person I have chosen to be with forever...and we don't care who likes it or not."

Then me.
"Exactly. The funny thing is when Zach and I first got together I was so worried about what others would think. Not so much my buds like Luke and Vinnie but the rest. How would they take it that Zach and I were now a couple? Well, the truth is that nobody gave a rats ass. I laugh now and did then and the truth is nobody cared. We just went on and everyone I know of seemed to barely notice but did accept us from the gitgo."

"Same here," Tony said. "I was so worried, first about my folks and all and then about my friends, but I think everyone already knew and felt it was great but really no big deal."
"I know. I was all worried about nothing."
"Me too," Zach added....and Alex nodded assent.

"But here we are and so, gang, now what?"
I put it out there because I wondered what they all thought about what we are facing and how we do this.

The doorbell upstairs rang and we kinda paused. I heard mother tell someone that we were all downstairs and in a minute several heads appeared, led by Luke and Vinnie. Speak of the devil, lol.

Lots of hugs and kisses ensued. Luke and his friend Frankie and Vinnie with his friend Scooter (don't ask, lol) and two other friends, Charlie and Rog who are friends but not a couple.

"Omg. It is so good to see you guys," I gushed because it was.
"Whatcha all doing?" Alex asked in general, and of course they all proceeded to spew the latest news about their lives, love and otherwise. It was all REALLY kewl.

Mother made several pizzas and brought them down and of course everyone fell in love with her all over again, and she got hugged a lot and smooched too. Alex and I laughed our adorable heinies off while she blushed. Some things just never change. Laugh.

We had a blast talking and playing pool and then poker and drinking and carousing. It was almost like high school and I say almost cause we all knew things had changed and...finally, Alex brought up the subject which prompted a roundtable discussion of what now and how are we gonna and is anyone ever ready for all this and...

You know, the usual.

I won't bore you with ALL the gory details of which there were a'plenty as it is said but a couple should suffice:

"I gotta tell you, gang, this adult bullshit can be bewildering as FUCK," Luke said quite loudly and almost staccato."
"Yeh, To you too?"
The rest of us said in unison.

Scooter sat quietly all through this but then...
" I don' know, guys, it seems sorta how like I imagined it would be..
maybe a bit faster paced? You know?"

That got our attention. That's Scooter. LOL.

It got quiet for a minute and then Luke punched Scooter in the arm.
"Goofus," and we all laughed.

"Ok, I was trying to be optimistic. It IS awful. I don't know where I am half the time nor where I am going most of the time."

We all nodded.

Graduates of grad school all and CLUELESS. GOD I feel so vindicated. Hehe.

We shared and whined and then everyone had to leave but we collectively VOWED TO THE DEATH to STAY CLOSE FOREVER, and of course no one really believed that but we meant it anyway.

Suddenly it was just the four of us, but then the doorbell again and after a minute Stewie appeared down the stairs. Merthee.

"Hey," I hollered and he smiled but not so broadly and I immediately sensed that here was NOT a happy camper. UH OH.
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CONTINUE TO CHAPTER XVI:


ALSO LOOKING AHEAD
THE FUTURE:  

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