CHAPTER V: ALEXANDRE THE GREAT (A legend in his own twisted little world)

See, the thing about my older nemesis brother among other things is his COMPLETE AND TOTAL LACK of a soul. Or a spirit, OR a character/personality OR...shall I go on?

I suppose I might be a bit hard on him and even exaggerating a bit, BUT I don't think so. He has spent our entire lives together TORMENTING me, the bastard.

For as long as I can remember it has been like this. He used to punch me on the arm and it hurt like hell, and he would grin or laugh and go on down the hall. He would sometimes come in my room usually at night, and whisper he wanted to kill me then off he would go and I would lie awake 

in fear until morning.

It was a nightmare.

Ok, maybe a couple of years ago he seemed to soften, then it started again. What would piss me off so bad is my mother and dad think he is just THAH BEST. They like me too and I know it but they just idolize his sorry ass, and he plays them like a fiddle. Tells them how he thinks I am just so adorable, and how much he loves me and how glad he is I am his brother and they eat that shit up, and then he gets me alone and damn near kills me and were it not for the fact that he KNOWS law enforcement and a long prison term would be his future and Prison Orange is SO not his color...

Alexandre is warped. I am sure of it, twisted inside somehow.

Tall as fuck, he is JUST 17 and 6'6" at least. It seems that every time I see him which is all the time since our bedrooms are right next to each other and same house and duh...he grows. Geez, except around. Nope, not around and if he weighs 100# soaking wet I would be surprised. The dude is fucking scrawny, but well proportioned I'll give him that. He has a body to die for, but the problem is he knows it. God that fucker is vain and arrogant. 

I hate him, oh yes I do because...he is a deceitful arrogant lying sack of pond scum, but nobody gets that but ME. Yep, I am the only one who 'gets him'. 

PFUI.

Ok, I have to admit he is one hot mofo and bright as hell. He is scary he is so bright. I guess you gotta be when you as devious as HE is. He wins all the awards for brains, scholarships to the best Universities, Swim Team, Racquetball, Volleyball, track and field, Languages, math whiz (I have trouble with 2+2), and today he wants to be an engineer, yesterday a surgeon, tomorrow who knows. 

He has NO clue how to be compassionate either, except when it suits his vanity and needs. Hard to be a caring person when you are the spawn of both Eva Peron and Josef Stalin or maybe Jack the Ripper.

One of these days I AM gonna figure out what makes him cry. What makes him needy or afraid, and then I will  have him. Oh yes I will.

No girlfriends ever, and I think he just has no desire to be with anyone else since he is so in love with himself...trust me, that he has no time for anyone else.

His friends? All or most at least are as screwed-up as he is. Hard to believe there are that many totally fucked-up doofuses out there but he finds them and makes them his own. Kinda sickening actually, to watch these footballers and varsity swimmers and really macho duuuudes just fuckin' grovel at his feet, which puts their heads really close to his crotch and hahahahaha. I wonder, I really do. Wouldn't put it past his sorry ass to make his fans and most ardent suckups give him blow jobs just to keep them subordinate. Oh did I mention that he is a control freak? A world class manipulator? Yep.

I kid you not. I would bet money on his extracting sexual gratification from his minions just to make them more like slaves than buds. 

GOD he is such an ASS.

He doesn't take after Mother God knows, nor dad really. Dad is a very bright sweetheart. Maybe the gas station attendant down at Exxon who is ALL HUMONGOUS PACKAGE and GOD it is so big it defies description so I won't try and no softness anywhere. Definitely no brains (unlike my brother) but no soul. Not to mention a level of lust that seems to kinda radiate outward from his crotch like the Northern Lights in the night sky on a really dark and dreary night, and why do I think no night with him would be. NOR would there be any sleep for the wicked, the pure and innocent, nor anyone else naked and vulnerable. I have heard stories how he can have sex non-stop for days at a time, and who could even walk after that? I have no clue. I have also never had any desire to...ok, maybe one time, but...

He is about 20 and I bet and do believe if he could fuck 24/7 forever he would. which I have always thought kind of pathetic, and his name is GET THIS, BINGO. (Although something tells me he has another one too). BINGO? GEEZ. Yeh, you know, like bingo I hit the mother lode...he says leeringly while fondling his dick.

Yeh, I bet Alex is the devil spawn of Bingo and some whore from down on Kings Road.

So, like I said he has softened a bit (Alex) in the last couple years but it comes in spurts so to speak, and at the moment he is being a bit nicer to me and I am beginning to wonder what he wants.

I am afraid to ponder that one. I will find out I bet for he is not one for going very long without blurting.

HAHA. Alex cannot CANNOT keep a secret. It is pitiful to watch him struggle, but it is amusing I will admit. But back to his recent departure from the merely tortured ass to the somewhat mellower older brother and I wonder and JUST as I found myself doing that guess who just wandered into my room.

Soupah brother.

"Hey, squirt."
"Hey," I replied dubiously.
"What's up, short stuff?"
Short stuff, crap. I am 6' and he knows it. But not everyone can wash windows on the top floor without a ladder. Geez.

"Nothin'," and I wondered if he knew or at least suspected. Zach had only left to go do some stuff for his mom about 15 minutes ago and he hasn't left my side in days.

"C'mon wee one, spill. I know you got big stuff happening."
"Nah, you dreamin'."

He just sat after I said that, looking at me different than I can ever remember him looking. He looked almost sad, or maybe...dare I say it, troubled. He just kept sitting next to me on the bed and I began to get uneasy. I looked at him closer and yeh. This was different and I didn't quite know what to make of it.

"Dylan?"
"Yeh?"
"Can we talk? PLEASE?"
Ummm...ok this was a new one. I wonder....
"PLEASE,"
and suddenly he looked SO sad, and then I saw a tear beginning to run down one cheek. HOLY SHITTOID. WTF is going ON here?

"Please. Dylan, I know you probably hate me and okay, I can't blame you. I have treated you pretty bad huh, (NO SHIT), but I need you. Bad. I really do, PLEASE? Can we please start over, Baby please?"

I about shit a brick, fainted, and started crying too all at once.
Fuck, what in hell is this all about and right about then is when he grabbed me and I thought oh God here we go again, (where do I want my charred remains sent), but he just wrapped himself around me and really started to cry with his head in my neck.

Fuck.

Ok, what is the game plan here.
But, he seemed to be genuinely in pain and so...

After a few minutes of him crying and my neck becoming soggy and wrinkled, he pulled back a bit and just looked at me.
"God how do I tell you?"

I shrugged cause I didn't know either.

"Ok I will just say it. You know Tony Williams?"
"Yeh," and I did. Another varsity swimmer at school, with a body to die for and a personality to match. Sweetest dude on the planet or close to it and a really close friend of Alex or so I thought. But not like the others. Tony doesn't grovel and doesn't have to. Popular and a total hottie and friendly as fuck and just really kewl.

"Ok,  Dylan," and he swallowed hard, couple times while I sat waiting for this bombshell for I was now convinced it would be.

"Shit. Fuck. DAMN, Dylan...you gotta promise me you won't say anything. Not to mom and dad or anyone else especially Tony. Please. Please. Promise me."
"Yeh ok, I promise."
"Ok...damn this is so hard."
"Alex just spit it out, Geez."
"OK, you know Tony."
"Yeh I told you that. Hell you already know I know him, geez."
"Yeh ok, here goes."
"Finally," I thought to myself.
"Tony, Tony Williams,"
"Good God Jesus will die of old age before this cretin from the planet Awful gets around to divulging his core," I thought but refrained. God I'm good.

"I LOVE HIM DYLAN," he blurted and then started the water works again and the head in neck and oh good, it had been getting so dry. Fuck. Wait. What?

What? You LOVE HIM?" I was too stunned to say that but...what?
Holy fuck, sweet....whew. Damn.

My mind just sorta fizzled into a melt down of epic proportions while I tried to wrap myself around this little brain-turd and I just sat motionless (my body at least) while he sat crying into my shirt and I was once again...CLUELESS, as to what to think or say or do or...Good God. What a month this is turning out to be. Fuck.

"Yeh, God Dylan I don't know what to do. I am afraid to tell him, and,"
and he started stuttering and stammering and crying harder and suddenly...I can't believe I am saying this, but suddenly I felt really sorry for him. He doesn't have a clue how to handle emotions, like I am so good at it, and he is so cut off from his own feelings I know...and now? God...how do I help him and I found myself almost laughing at the lunacy of my thinking that since I have never had anything but loathing and contempt for this bastard. GOD how I have hated him and suddenly, I feel sorry for him?

His crying so hard was really getting to me. God what do I do? Just as I thought that Zach walked into the room...and stopped dead in his tracks at the scene in front of him. I put a finger to my lips and he nodded and backed out of the room.
Oh Jesus. How do I explain this?

Alex just sat and cried and cried. God I ached for him, but finally his tears seemed to subside a bit and then he hauled off and kissed me. WTF?

"What was that for?"
"For not laughing at me,"
and he looked so pathetic I just hugged him. After all, how different is this from what Zach and I have been going through? Not much to be honest.

"Why me? I mean why tell me?"
"Cause I know you know what I am feeling."
"How come?"
"Zach."
"Oh, yeah."
"I trust you. You aren't a blabbermouth."
"Yeh, ok." (I wonder if I should mention about now that...Nahhhh.)

So there it was. He knew about Zach and me and I am discovering I am just about the only one who didn't seem to, and now he thinks I can help him cause I am gay too, and...

"I will do my best, Alex."
"I know. Dylan, do you know why I have always been such an asshole to you?"
"No."
"Envy."
"What? Why?"
"You have always been smarter, cuter, funnier, and more beautiful than I could ever be and I wanted to be you, but since I couldn't...I guess the only thing I could think to do was to lash out at you. I knew given half the chance mom and dad would favor you and I would be left out."

"Ummm...," I thought but didn't say. But..whooo.
"I am sorry Dylan. Sorry for all of it. Promise. No more, ok? I want to be your brother and your friend too, Dylan. Truth is, you mean the world to me. Always have to be honest. Even when I was being the biggest ass on the planet, down deep I loved you."

I sat looking at him, holding him, listening to him, and could scarcely believe my ears and eyes. Then he smiled at me sorta, and hugged me big time, and all the years of anger and hate and bad stuff...just sorta melted away. My God. I got a brother. Who wudda thought that would happen.

Just when I was about to begin to ponder that little number, mom peeked in from the hall, and we went into 'WHO US?' mode,,,the one that we are world class at, (both of us to be truthful) and that ended that for now, but I knew there would be more.

She wanted Alex to help her with something, and mentioned that Zach was waiting out in the hall like some third world victim in a food line. (Mother can be prone to melodrama at times, and I do wonder if she missed her calling as a broadway star...but then where would WE be and so I DO try to discourage her at all times.)

I didn't have time to ask Alex if telling Zach would be ok, like I wouldn't, but figured that he wasn't part of the 'don't tell anyone' mandate I had agreed to. You don't lie or withhold important stuff from your mate, you know...or do so at your own peril cause they always find out anyway and then what.

So, Zach came on into the room as Alex and mom left, and I immediately got asked what that was all about and I told him right down to the lastest goriest juiciest detail. (This was too good not to.)

Whoa...

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